The struggle continues...

I am so sick of sin. I'm sick of living in a sin-infested world. I was not made for this and I know it. I am not of this world. God, give me the grace to withstand the time you have appointed for me here.

Fighting some major battles in the kingdom lately, and this weekend God has called me to a retreat, to a refreshment, to time in His tent with Him, being re-charged and re-vitalized for the continuing battle ahead. He sent me a clear message, disrupting my weekend plans for His own (even to the point of removing my car from me!) Oh Jesus help me....I am so weak. Ps. 144:1 says, "Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle." Thanks be that HE does the training and not me!

The battlefield is in my mind, and as I face these battles, my main temptation is to give up. "Stop waiting, Melissa, for the LORD to deliver you. He is obviously late. He won't pull through when you need Him most. Why would you hold off on spending your passions and desires when you can revel in pleasure NOW? You don't know when He plans on showing up. His timeline is too long. So few people have waited as you have....look at them! Look at what you are missing! What are you waiting for? Take action yourself, for you can trust yourself. You will know what is coming, and that will make you safe."

It is intimidating, sometimes, for me to write out these temptations I hear. Seeing them in words makes me cringe. HOWEVER, there is a greater reason for me to write these down. As I spell out the lies the enemy bombards on my mind, the power of fear is broken. Fear of the sin itself is broken. In the midst of temptation, I have this one amazing lifeline, with which I fight these lies. I cannot describe in human words how valuable, how priceless, how life-changing this lifeline has been to me. It has been mis-aligned, altered, abused, mis-quoted. It has become an obligation to many, a duty. I believe there is a famine of this lifeline, a shortage in the church, in God's people (Amos 8:11-12). I am speaking of God's word. I am speaking about the Bible. I cannot tell you how much the decision to immerse myself in God's unchanging word has changed my life. Every day when I wake up, I wake up in the flesh. I cannot trust myself to live a day on my own without crucifying my flesh and immersing myself in God's word. I need God's perspective and not my own, for my own is flawed. I need God's comfort when I am distressed and not the comfort from the world, others or food/sex/alcohol/sleep/movies/books (you name it). I need God's guidance and not the world's on my life decisions. I can't read a book written by man telling me how to make a decision when God tells me that the wisdom of man is foolishness to God. Why wouldn't I just go to the source of all wisdom? Tears are building up in my eyes right now as I hold this precious Word on my lap and meditate on all that I have learned from being immersed in these pages filled with God's voice. This is more precious than gold, than much fine gold. These words are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them I am warned, in keeping them there is great reward.

I am at a point where I can't see one step in front of me and it is frustrating. I am fighting the battle waging in my mind, and I am SO aware of my sinfulness. In the midst of the struggle, I have a rock. As the waves are beating against me, I am being held firmly in His grip. As shots are fired at me and flames of dart are aimed directly at my heart, I am dressed in His armor, ready to wield my sword of the Spirit and hold up my shield of faith. As I am tempted to give in and give up because the struggle is so hard, I remember who has already fought for me and who strengthens me so I may fight now. If it were my own strength, I would have given up already. Jesus Christ stands with me, never to leave me or forsake me. His purposes will prevail in my life, for I am not my own. I was bought with a price. My life is in His hands. Whatever comes my way, I am His, and I am safe. Hold fast to the Word of God, for it is a lifeline. It is God's voice. It is air and breath to my lungs, water to my parched tongue, and food to my body. It is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. It is life-changing.